I just had a vision of limits and infinity, from my high school calculus class. Basically, for all of you who don't know, remember, or care (!!), it can be represented graphically by a curve (function) that gets SO CLOSE to a line (an asymptote) over time that it looks like surely they will touch, but they won't. The line goes on for infinity, and so does the asymptote. (What do you mean, you don't like my explanation?)
Why do I care today? Because today, I feel like I am approaching the limit of what I can take. I really don't see how I won't get to it within the next 12 hours. I know I won't - I know I will keep approaching that limit until the day I die, but I would love to be a little farther away from it for a little while.
I don't see how I'm ever going to get a job - I've applied for at least 50 now. I won't start in with all the things I don't see how I'm ever going to do, but trust me. There are tons. Basically, everything I'm trying to do right now.
There are so many pithy clichéd statements I could make about how awesome I am, and how amazing I will be when I'm through this, but right now I'm just tired. I'm approaching my limit and at this point I almost wish I'd reach it already.
How's that for a new step?
It's been a rough day.
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Glad Tidings!
Today I found out two more people that I know pretty well (and more importantly, who both know how super I am) know people who work at Turner! I'm very excited about the possibility of getting an interview there. I think that would just be super.
I mean I know that this is Atlanta, and CNN is in Atlanta and all, but it does seem neat that almost everyone I've told about this knows someone who works there and wants to put in a good word for me! I sure wasn't getting that kind of reception in SF.
That is just the feather fluffing I have needed for the past two weeks. I've been smiling all day. Unfortunately, my appetite is back too. But oh well. I'd rather be happy and fat than skinny and sad. That seems like a no-brainer, actually.
So, do any of you know people that work at Turner? :-)
Addendum 1:
I'm sad. It's hard to lose a friend, even if it's during a messy break-up. I want to call him and talk to him about all this. Although I guess if he was really interested, we'd still be communicating. I just think it's terrible that break-ups have to happen. On this end it feels like such a waste.
Addendum 2:
For some reason I just looked at the salaries for these positions I want so badly at CNN. I don't know if I can afford these jobs, even if I'm lucky enough to get them.
The above addenda are collectively pushing me quickly and steadily towards an early bedtime tonight. I'm sad and scared now.
Addendum 3:
I'm at the point right now where I can't find even one job in Atlanta that I want, and on top of that I keep thinking about what a small percentage of jobs are attained through postings, anyway, and thinking about how I haven't heard of any jobs aside from the ones posted and I'm freaking out. I should have gone to bed earlier, but it's too late now. I'll probably be awake all night worrying. It's no coincidence that as my freak-out about the job search builds, my sadness about the break-up builds, too. It's easier to worry about that than to worry about how I'll ever get another job in my entire life.
I mean I know that this is Atlanta, and CNN is in Atlanta and all, but it does seem neat that almost everyone I've told about this knows someone who works there and wants to put in a good word for me! I sure wasn't getting that kind of reception in SF.
That is just the feather fluffing I have needed for the past two weeks. I've been smiling all day. Unfortunately, my appetite is back too. But oh well. I'd rather be happy and fat than skinny and sad. That seems like a no-brainer, actually.
So, do any of you know people that work at Turner? :-)
Addendum 1:
I'm sad. It's hard to lose a friend, even if it's during a messy break-up. I want to call him and talk to him about all this. Although I guess if he was really interested, we'd still be communicating. I just think it's terrible that break-ups have to happen. On this end it feels like such a waste.
Addendum 2:
For some reason I just looked at the salaries for these positions I want so badly at CNN. I don't know if I can afford these jobs, even if I'm lucky enough to get them.
The above addenda are collectively pushing me quickly and steadily towards an early bedtime tonight. I'm sad and scared now.
Addendum 3:
I'm at the point right now where I can't find even one job in Atlanta that I want, and on top of that I keep thinking about what a small percentage of jobs are attained through postings, anyway, and thinking about how I haven't heard of any jobs aside from the ones posted and I'm freaking out. I should have gone to bed earlier, but it's too late now. I'll probably be awake all night worrying. It's no coincidence that as my freak-out about the job search builds, my sadness about the break-up builds, too. It's easier to worry about that than to worry about how I'll ever get another job in my entire life.
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