My Feelings About the Job Search in Video Format.

Because I'm too tired to think.






It's time for bed. It's also time for the weekend, but that basically just means more concentrated job search time at this point. I'm really proud of myself for keeping going. This experience has been nightmarish, but it totally makes me feel like I "get" the real world more. I've never done this. I've never experienced this much uncertainty about my future. And that's really saying something, since I spent 10 years getting my PhD.

Collin suggested I move out to SF and get a waitress job. That's cute that he thinks I would be able to afford rent on a waitress' salary. In all seriousness, at what point in the job search *do* I actually start looking for jobs that will just "get me through"? I guess I get my last paycheck May 31st, so maybe May 16th.

Something about being a waitress in a small neighborhood restaurant makes me feel really really happy. I definitely need a confidence booster. Oh, I got a rejection today. That makes three rejections, one phone interview, and 1,000,000 silent treatments.

I sure am glad I quit drinking.

Limits.

I just had a vision of limits and infinity, from my high school calculus class. Basically, for all of you who don't know, remember, or care (!!), it can be represented graphically by a curve (function) that gets SO CLOSE to a line (an asymptote) over time that it looks like surely they will touch, but they won't. The line goes on for infinity, and so does the asymptote. (What do you mean, you don't like my explanation?)

Why do I care today? Because today, I feel like I am approaching the limit of what I can take. I really don't see how I won't get to it within the next 12 hours. I know I won't - I know I will keep approaching that limit until the day I die, but I would love to be a little farther away from it for a little while.

I don't see how I'm ever going to get a job - I've applied for at least 50 now. I won't start in with all the things I don't see how I'm ever going to do, but trust me. There are tons. Basically, everything I'm trying to do right now.

There are so many pithy clichéd statements I could make about how awesome I am, and how amazing I will be when I'm through this, but right now I'm just tired. I'm approaching my limit and at this point I almost wish I'd reach it already.

How's that for a new step?

It's been a rough day.